Antiques dealers are hoarders — but with a very good excuse.
Antiques dealers are hoarders — but with a very good excuse.
They spend their days buying things that other people have overlooked, and then, every so often, something comes along that is simply too good to sell. It gets put behind the desk, upstairs, in the office, or mysteriously disappears from the shop floor.
And, of course, the customer notices.
"How much is that?"
"Oh, that? That's not for sale."
Which immediately makes it considerably more desirable.
There's actually something rather wonderful about this. The dealer's first instinct isn't always commercial. Sometimes they simply fall in love with the object. After years in the trade, they know what is genuinely good — and when something special comes through the door, they don't necessarily want to let it go.
The problem, of course, is that this can become a habit.
One piece becomes two. Two become ten. Before long, the dealer has accumulated a private collection that would probably pay the mortgage for a year.
And this is where you can turn it into a positive Top Banana point: we are collectors as well as dealers, but ultimately the purpose of an antique business is to get wonderful things into the hands of people who will enjoy them.
Perhaps the best dealers are therefore caught permanently between two instincts:
“I should sell this.”
and
“I absolutely cannot sell this.”
And occasionally the customer wins.
Or, perhaps more accurately, the customer has to work very hard to win.
That gives you a warm, amusing piece rather than a criticism of the trade. It also lets you have a gentle dig at the less professional dealer who seems to have an entire shop full of “private collection” pieces.
And there's a lovely final thought:
Perhaps the reason antiques dealers are such terrible hoarders is that they know exactly what is worth keeping.
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